This will be my last blog post for a while, its hard to describe how i’m feeling at the moment, empty, sad, low, lifeless. Most days I don’t want to be here. I’ve become irritable; erratic and the smallest of things just have me seeing red all the time. I feel exhausted & tired all the time. But how’s that possible when I do nothing? The smallest & simplest task drains me of my energy….

“Smile” “be happy” said to me by those I hold closest; I love you dearly but its hard to do when your brain & thoughts are locked & programmed so negatively. That wasn’t a shot I know your doing your best to help and it means the world.

I’m not well and i’m going away for a while. While i’m away i’ll be going through intense therapy.

I’m hurting over a lot I need to take a break and heal I also need to give my loved ones space.

You ever feel like a failure so much it breaks you?

You ever spend your whole life feeling like an outcast and outsider bouncing from people to place wanting to just feel loved & appreciated. Just to feel even a fraction of the love you try and give to other people?

You ever feel evil and cold hearted for the things you’ve done and the pain you caused?

I’m not sure when i’ll be back but i’m not coming back until I feel right again, I may not even be back at all.

I’m sorry to my family for all the things i’ve put you through, this isn’t me I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m sorry for all the pain and anger i’ve caused you and i’m sorry you’ve had to see me like this. I respect the fact you need space, I love you. Don’t forget about me.

To anyone I’ve hurt along the way I never meant to, i’m sorry.

Keep me in your thought’s and check on the ones you love like really check on them you could save their life.

I’ll see you when I see you, if I ever see you at all again.

Shum

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