Accepting help is difficult, understanding why is difficult but once you hit the bottom upwards is the only way to go, For so long I struggled with many demons but for so long instead of doing anything about it I just hid, coped and hoped it would go away. Admitting to the people I hold closest was one thing, staring at myself in the mirror was something else.
With that being said, I start cognitive behavioural therapy soon. To reverse some of my toxic; destructive behaviour but also to better understand myself. I’m not expecting all my problems to disappear. But I have to learn balance, learn that I pick and choose what affects me and what doesn’t; learn that not every action requires a reaction. And learn to project the energy I want to receive.
I’m past all the pettiness, manipulation & drama caused by family. I rebuke the notion that you can’t pick your family because I have.
They’ve bared the brunt of every mood swing, out of character episode and just my general shit behaviour. And its in no way acceptable; because as much as uni has not panned out to be what I wanted, I met them and they’ve changed my life. As much as my healing process is for me it’s for them too. They deserve it. For constantly having my back, for unconditionally supporting & taking care of me as a big 23 year old i’m not afraid to admit I love them all unconditionally. Because over the course of these two years, they’ve given me genuine moment’s of happiness.
People laugh at the fact I address them as family but when you’ve never had it, and when you have a group of supportive, honest people who don’t take your shit, don’t let you hide behind excuses and hold you accountable but at the same time make you laugh, support you and push you. That’s why there family.
I’ve been a piece of shit for some time. But if you know me you know i’m just a normal guy who wants to help the world and make the lives of those he loves better. Money & all that don’t mean shit I love the things money can buy but you can’t put a price on your loved ones being genuinely happy.
Unfortunately a lot of poor standards, notions and thought patterns need to be reversed.