This isn’t spur of the moment, this isn’t a another phase this isn’t a cry for help or attention this has been coming. There’s only so much persevering you can do before you just have to accept things for what they are.
Coaching wasn’t something I ever saw myself doing it just happened I was never really good at anything; no real talent so I thought i’d give it a go.
I thought i’d be able to forge a career through hard work, that it’d be a case of your not really good at it but maybe with a bit of work you can be ok at it enough to earn a living. So I stuck to it.
But truth is for about 9 months or so I haven’t enjoyed it. Coaching; anything to do with football even watching it. Its just not there anymore excuse the pointless analogy but it just feels like a relationship that was destined to end at somepoint. I tried everything to make it work, convince myself pep talks the whole lot but sometimes the truth just stares you in the face and you can’t look away.
Crazy thing is I don’t feel sad writing this accepting the fact that I thought being football mad this was my calling; trying to force the passion. Telling myself for for years “I love this” but did I really?
My sadness comes from letting down the people that mean the world to me, my family. I’m sorry you had to find out this way but this isn’t a conversation we could of had face to face I had to tell you somehow and this was the only way without you seeing how emotional I am.
Football has given me so many experiences & memories that in my wildest dreams I never thought would of been possible. I’ve met so many amazing people and had the chance to go to places people would bite your hand off for. I’ve been lucky. So so lucky.
But sometimes its a case of knowing your limits and staying in your lane. I’ve took this as far as I can, and i’m proud of all that I achieved over the last four years without coaching I would never of got to university, and at university I’ve met 5 people who are practically family.
I said “I give up” “I’ve had enough” far too many times and not meant it but its for real this time.
It’s just a shame the end came so soon. However I intend to finish my degree and then just see where life takes me.
I’ve learnt a lot about myself, you can’t fake it till you make it. The love, passion and hunger evaporated a long time ago. But thats ok.
I did my best and tried my hardest to make it work so my hearts at peace knowing that.
I guess all I can say is thank you; to Rus & Mick, Birmingham County FA, The Albion Foundation, Benson Community Project, Silverdale, West Bromwich United, Sporting Khalsa anyone within football that helped me in someway shape or form all this was only possible because of you.
To the university, for constantly supporting me in every aspect of coaching, funding; opportunities you name it they’ve done it i’m eternally grateful.
Everything in life runs its course i’m not really sure where i’ll be once I finish my degree but I will see it through.
This isn’t me giving up or rolling over I feel good all i ask is you let me breath and respect my decision’s going forward.
Regardless of how my Level 2 assessment goes my mind has been made up for sometime now
It was one hell of an experience but as one door closes another always opens.