Sporadic Thoughts: Day 1

Can’t show love cause my hearts never felt it attachment by default could never help it. 

Never felt like i was important or valued, ever felt like if you vanished no one would notice, well have you?

Always felt like i had to work hard to fit in but trying to fit in meant the essence of me went missing.

I’ve started to see that happiness starts with gratitude for simple things, guess i never really showed i was greatful.

2017 started off good, yep.

How can you plan where you are going if you do not reflect and appreciate where you are.

Reconnect is a theme that keeps coming back to me.

Reconnect with people i miss.
Old friends & stuff.

No time or room for bad vibes or energies at any point. I just want to be happy. With that which is around me and with myself.

Inner peace is the goal, when you truly feel happy everything around you gets better, health is something i need to fix.
I had a crush but i guess i’m kinda over it now. Accepted maybe single is how i will remain forever.
Still trying and attempting to reconnect with my religion and God but it’s failing, do i keep trying. Maybe its because i’m only doing it expecting life to just change in an instant & all my problems to disappear, maybe the intention is all wrong.

Keep your intention pure.

“My destiny rerouted when i chose to follow heart” barz by Joey Bada$$ ‘ Land Of The Free’ go listen. 
Welp, i need friends my own company’s getting kinda lonely.

Fuck this cold making me feel crap the last 3 days.

Uni’s going swell, got a 2:1 in my assignment.
Pew pew.

Wheelchair basketball is not going swell, i’m too slow and unfit, can’t shoot the ball, struggling to generate equal power from both arms. I want to be good at it not rubbish.

Wish i could press reset on myself and become a new human.

Hope we have a nice summer this year, i completed block 1 of my FA Level 2 this week. More in depth stuff on that when i have time.

Chance won some grammys.

The sky is dark.

Reading 10 books at once.


Life can’t always be controlled bad things happening do not define life they just happen. No matter what you just have to lick your wounds get up and move forward always. Always forward. Best advice ever.

Courtousey of Pop’s a character in the Netflix original series, Luke Cage. 

NBA all star weekend without Kobe. I’m not crying my eyes are just sweating.

Lakers are stressing me out.

Arsenal are stressing me out.

Trying to be happy and find things to be positive about is hard my brain, thoughts & behaviours have been conditioned in a controlling, contradicting, stifiling, suffocating crap family environment. But anything that is learnt can be unlearned right?

I feel chained and all i want is to be free. 

I think thats enough for today.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s